This week inside the Connected Couples Campus we are talking about idealism. That "if they could just..." little thought in your head when you think of your spouse. Our brains are good at seeing what could be better. Sometimes, it even thinks that things should be better. This is our brain doing brain things.
One of the best things to consider here is that the brain isn’t always right. Things wouldn't necessarily be better if...
Have you ever thought if I just had x, then things would be better? And then you get x, and your brain very shortly sees how having Y is now necessary? While x may have improved your life (or it may not), you’re no more content than you were before you had x.
It looks like this: If she just liked me. If we were just married. If we just had a kid. If she just stopped leaving leftovers on the counter. If we just had more time. If we just had a bigger house. If she just held me as a priority... The brain never stops. We can spend all day wishing for things to get better, but we forget why we are choosing the relationship in the first place.
The truth is, if you are in a relationship right now, you are choosing it. And for good reason! Recognize that. Take a moment to consider all you do get from the relationship. This allows for our brain to see that what we have is actually best for us right now.
When we are more accepting of our relationship, we feel better, we show up better, and we can create a better dynamic for us. It might not be ideal but it could be just right for you.
So, what is it, exactly, that you are choosing right now?