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Managing Resentment

One of the biggest drains on a marriage is unmanaged resentment. If you have it, you’ll want to do something about it. Here’s how:


The first thing to do is notice it! So many people have emotions that they carry around, and they never slow down enough to even figure out what they are. Once you can name it, we can begin to process the emotion.


Second, know that resentment feels like it’s a them problem, but it’s always a you problem. By recognizing this we can redirect our energy. We get to take the energy we are using to try get them to change and we can use it to help us change.


Third is to combine. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and bring the good & bad about your spouse together. Is it possible your spouse isn't doing it to hurt you, but because they have a good reason? Recognize that this is where they are at right now. Combine the good & the hard things about your relationship with them into one. When we see the good connected to the hard, it’s easier to accept the hard.


Next step? Share with them what you are experiencing. Let them know that you care about them and want to stay close to them. Ask them what their perspective is. Ask them what is going on for them.


Finally. Show up in whatever way you need to to remove the resentment. Often times it feels like the easier thing is to work to get our circumstances to line up. This often creates feelings that usually cause actions that don’t align withour wanted results. By taking care of ourselves we take the responsibility off of our partner and we no longer need them to change.

In this way we can feel less resentment and more love.


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