This month inside the Connected Couples Campus we have been digging into conflict cycles. It’s my favorite work. I say this for two reasons: First, when I first learned about this cycle it offered me the opportunity to really understand. It provided me with the language to make sense of what was happening in my relationship. I could understand it and I could talk about it. And that is an incredible magic in itself. The second reason is that, as I learned about the conflict cycle in my marriage, I was able to learn ways to interrupt it. This gave me the ability to develop a cycle of connection rather then disconnection.
You might be wondering if a conflict cycle is happening in your marriage? Well, do you ever get a pit in your stomach? Perhaps you start to feel a tightening in your chest? Or just maybe you’re filled with an uncontrollable rage? And then, almost always, things go bad in your relationship right after that feeling?
Say hello to your conflict cycle.
You could probably tell me exactly what would happen after this feeling. Most people can. It often happens in a split second; A feeling of rejection, of disconnection, of hurt, of fear. Then, we feel anger, or defensiveness, or some other intense emotion. What most people don’t do is slow down enough to understand what is happening before the feeling.
In so many relationships this pattern begins to grow. It expands and intensifies. It becomes more and more frequent with fewer moments of connection in between. It begins to cause harm within the relationship.
An unresolved conflict cycle can leave two people who love each other feeling confused and hurt and totally discouraged in their relationship. If you have a conflict cycle preventing the closeness you want in your marriage become a cycle breaker today. Learn the tools you need to help you navigate out of this cycle. It’s the best.
I’ll help you if you’d like. After all, I truly love this work.