Is this fixable? That’s a question I hear often from couples who have experienced years of unsolved and un-repaired conflict. It is a scary and vulnerable question to ask. These couples fear that something may have gone so wrong that their relationship is stuck in it’s current state. And their bravery is amazing. I only wish they would come in sooner.
In my initial assessment with couples I look for two ingredients:
Does your marriage have these ingredients?
Sometimes it can be hard to see these things. Usually, if there is on-going conflict I find it a good indicator of couples who want to stay together. Many couples share that there are many good parts in being together, but the bad parts are just so painful. Caring about each other can also be hard to spot at times. Slowing down and noticing what is involved in care and if your spouse is doing this things can be revealing. You may find that they do, in fact, care about you. Likely more than you even realize.
If you've taken time to contemplate your relationship and have found these two key ingredients within it, then let's get going! Your marriage is ready for you to take action now. Change in a marriage can be done with one person as long as these two ingredients are present. Don't delay. Some of the best feelings in your relationship are truly just one interrupted and repaired conflict cycle away.