So many couples long for a deep connection. It seems that as humans we move in to connection and out of connection. The truth is a deep connection is not something that is normal to feel all of the time. If you don’t experience it always, or even often, nothing has gone wrong! That being said. Sometimes it’s the ability to go deep with someone that fortifies our connection with them. I remember an emotional conversation with a friend that occurred in my younger years. I will remember that conversation my whole life. That man still remains a close friend. That may have been the only time we ever talked on that level, yet I feel a mutual connection with him because of it. Todays Save the Date! is a good one to print out and bring on your next date. Or any time you can catch a spare moment or two! Maybe when the kids are tucked in bed and the house grows quiet and cozy?
1) What is it that I do or have done that helps you believe I love you?
2) What does it feel like for you when you feel loved by me?
3) Have you ever felt worried that I didn't understand your wants or needs? What was that like?
4) What is the most painful feeling you have experienced? If you were to feel it again, how could I support you through it?
5) When you get worried or feel like there is conflict in our relationship, what are some ways that I can reassure you?
6) Have you ever worried that there is something about you that is hard to love? Can you share what that is here?
7) How can I let you know I want to be close to you?
8) Have you ever felt like I was deeply connected to you? How did you try to let me know?
9) How do you want our future to go together?
10) What was it like to answer these questions for me?
Sometimes, if you aren’t used to having these conversations in your relationship, it can feel awkward or uncomfortable. I encourage you to lean into it! If you just can’t bring yourself to a face to face conversation, let me suggest another way. Written communication can be easier for many of us to break this barrier of awkwardness. Simply send a question every day or two via text! Language is the path to the soul and it’s so important that we can talk to each other.
Either way, have fun with these and enjoy the connection. If it happens to start a conflict cycle, pause and know that nothing has gone wrong. This often happens when we try to move toward each other. Maybe you can't resolve the cycle and end up feeling more disconnected than when you started. This would be a great time to consider inviting in support to help you have the deep connection that is possible for you!