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I'm excited to dive into today's topic: disconnection. As I reflect on the week here at Pivotal Approach, it's been a whirlwind of activity. Amidst the hustle and bustle, the theme of disconnection has been on my mind.

Relationship Longings

It's no secret that many of my clients are grappling with the pain of disconnection in their relationships. At our core, we all long for connection in various forms—whether it's feeling valued, included, or genuinely cared for. This longing shapes how we interact with others, often without us even realizing it.

Think about it: when we feel connected and accepted, we feel safe and secure. Our brains instinctively seek out this sense of belonging because historically, being disconnected could mean danger or even death. Attachment theory underscores this, highlighting the critical importance of connection in our lives.

Inaccurate Brains

But here's the thing: our brains aren't always accurate in assessing our level of connection. Even when we are accepted and valued, our brains can trick us into believing otherwise, leading us to adopt protective behaviors. This protective stance often manifests as anger, frustration, or withdrawal—desperate attempts to bridge the gap and reconnect.

To illustrate this, picture yourself adrift in the ocean after falling off a cruise ship. The vast expanse of water symbolizes disconnection, while the ship represents safety and connection. As you struggle to swim towards the ship, desperation sets in. You call out for help, but as the ship drifts further away, desperation turns to anger—an instinctual response to protect yourself and seek reconnection.


Unfortunately, this anger can be misunderstood by others, especially our partners. They may perceive it as aggression or rejection, further perpetuating the cycle of disconnection. It's a heartbreaking dynamic to witness, but it's also a hopeful one. It shows that beneath the pain and frustration lies a deep desire to reconnect.

Understanding this cycle of disconnection is the first step towards breaking free from its grip. It's akin to navigating a rip current in the ocean—struggling against it only leads to exhaustion and further drift. But by learning to swim parallel to the shore, you can escape its pull and find your way back to safety.


So if you're feeling disconnected in your relationship, know that there's hope. By understanding your conflict cycle and learning practical skills, you can navigate through the storm and rediscover the connection you long for. Stay strong, keep showing up, and remember, you're not alone on this journey.

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