The #1 thing that is keeping you from the connected and passionate relationship that is possible for you is your conflict cycle. (If this is the first you’re hearing about this cycle you can learn more here). When I say that, so many people panic. They feel that they need their partner to solve this cycle with them. But that isn’t the case. Two people are required to make a cycle, but only one person is required to break it. How to break it becomes your work.
Acceptance, forgiveness, and unconditional love are sure-fire solutions to a problematic conflict cycle. We all can understand these concepts to some degree, but it could be a life-long journey to achieve them. Even still, I can't help but believe that these are worth aspiring to. This aim brings clarity to the work that we do.
Years ago, I paddled my way into the boundary waters with my buddies. We made it 17 miles into the wilderness in one day. For some, this would be a small feat. For me, it required pushing through much discomfort and pain. I remember we adopted the mantra: “I row. I row. It’s off to camp we go!”
Mantras can provide energy and enthusiasm in the middle of discomfort. Ours reminded us of our purpose- to get to camp. Today, I want you to move into discomfort. Take this step to create a new and connecting dynamic in your relationship. You can do that by breaking your cycle. You can do it no matter where your spouse is at. Whether they're willing to help or if it's even possible for them right now. You can do this all by yourself. You are a cycle breaker. Hold on to that last sentence as a mantra. You are a cycle breaker, because
a more connected and passionate marriage is just one broken cycle away.